Hey, guys! Sorry this column has been absent for so long. The main reason for this is simple: I’m teaching summer school, taking summer classes, and finding new ways to avoid the Texas heat. This meant prioritizing, and this blog kind of had to suffer. Also: Redbox hasn’t exactly been inspiring lately (as you’ll see in the bottom half of this list). But the good news? My procrastination has led to a plus-sized column. Take a look!
THE SAFE BETS:
McFarland USA – Directed by Niki Caro
Tomatometer: 79%, Audience Score: 91%
The most important thing you need to know about this film is that it was made by Kiwi director Niki Caro. This is a name unfamiliar to everyone who hasn’t seen her incredible 2002 sophomore film, Whale Rider. And even if you have seen Whale Rider, this is the first film American audiences have had a great shot at seeing since her Charlize Theron-starring North Country in 2005. She’s shown time and time again that she’s got a great eye for detail and the ability to get great performances out of young, unproven actors. Whale Rider, like McFarland,USA, had every opportunity to be emotionally manipulative, and yet every single thing in that film felt earned. It appears to be the same case for McFarland, USA. Check it out.
Story: Kevin Costner plays a cross country coach who takes a band of misfits from one of the poorest towns in California to the upper reaches of championship contending!
Blush Factor: a small handful of minor swear words (that every teenager and parent of a teenager has heard) and some thematic content. This was meant to be a film for the family to see.
American Sniper
Tomatometer: 73%, Audience Score: 86%
The runaway box office hit of the Oscar season, this film had two conversations going on at the same time: the millions of Americans that went to see it, and the many think pieces that popped up all over the internet, questioning the factuality of the story. So here’s the thing: this film is supposed to be about Chris Kyle, and presents itself as something of a character study. But it also throws in the “based on a true story” and wants it to have it both ways: to honor a “hero” in impressive fashion, and to be able to say that narrative license was taken when the facts didn’t pan out. So here’s what you should know: this movie is so rife with factual errors – often minor changes that have huge ramifications in your understanding of the truth, changes that include inventing entirely new terrorist characters – that you can’t watch it and believe that you saw something historically accurate. The real Chris Kyle had views that would make a lot of us uncomfortable, and the film completely washes over that with a patriotism paintbrush. What you should focus on, however, is the transformative performance by Bradley Cooper. He’s completely changed his body into something bear-like. You can see the strength in him, as well as the nervousness around dealing with anything other than a military mission. His Texas accent is the first Texas accent I’ve heard on film that didn’t grate me out of the theater. Cooper deserves every accolade sent his way for his performance; it’s just a shame the movie around him didn’t have as much integrity.
Story: The movie follows Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle (Cooper), the deadliest sniper in military history, and the impact four tours of duty had on him and his family.
Blush Factor: Rated R for “strong and disturbing war violence” and lots of profanity – especially all scenes involving the military and their time over in the Middle East.
The DUFF
Tomatometer: 72%, Audience Score: 71%
Any film that is going to call stalwart actress Mae Whitman a Designated Ugly Fat Friend (hence, the DUFF) is already moving on shaky ground. Whitman has proven her worth in a great deal of TV shows, including Arrested Development and Parenthood, in addition to a great deal of voice acting on American Dad, Family Guy, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In fact, Whitman played the President’s daughter in the 1996 film Independence Day, and, true to Hollywood form, they went with a younger, blonder actress to play the same President’s daughter in Independence Day 2. So when it comes to classifying Whitman for the movies, the only ones that have done her any respect are 2012’s Perks of Being a Wallflower and 2010’s Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Basically, wherever Whitman goes, we should follow. This movie, despite it’s ugly title, seems to be one worth checking out.
Story: Upset that she has been labeled her school’s DUFF, a high school senior initiates a revolution of the social pecking order.
Blush Factor: Rated PG-13 for “crude and sexual material throughout”, with some language and teen partying thrown in.
Red Army
Tomatometer: 96%, Audience Score: 88%
I had never heard of this documentary until just a few days ago. If it’s anything like “The Other Dream Team”, that fantastic documentary about the Lithuanian basketball superstars, then you’re in for great little intersection of history and fun. The critic and audience scores speak for themselves. If you’re into history, sports, or just a good ‘ol documentary, here’s something to check out.
Story: This follows the story of the Soviet Union’s Red Army – one of the most successful sports teams of all time – from the perspective of its players.
Blush Factor: Rated PG for “thematic material and language”.
Black Sea
Tomatometer: 82%, Audience Score: 62%
Scottish Director MacDonald is mostly known for his documentaries, including the 2003 Andes-climbing Touching the Void and groundbreaking 2011 epic world-spanning montage of Life in a Day. He’s also made a nice batch of interesting, electric films, including 2006’s The Last King of Scotland and 2009’s State of Play. This film, a claustrophobic thriller that takes place entirely on a submarine, is full of great, intense actors, including Jude Law, Ben Mendhelsohn, Tobias Menzies, and Scoot McNairy. This isn’t a film with huge thematic concerns, but rather a nice, tight suspenseful tale performed with a great deal of skill and verve.
Story: As a way to make amends with his former bosses, a submarine captain takes a risky job with a shady backer, leading the submarine into the Black Sea in an attempt to find a sub loaded with gold.
Blush Factor: Rated R for course language throughout the movie, as well as some graphic images and violence.
Still Alice
Tomatometer: 89%, Audience Score: 85%
Julianne Moore won a well-deserved Best Actress Oscar for her performance in this film, in which her character struggles with the onset of Alzheimer’s. What has been pointed out about this film is that while most films about difficult diseases tend to focus on the family, this one keeps the focus on Alice. She’s still trying to be Alice, even while parts of her appear to be disappearing or in decline. Anytime you have a masterful (and yet somehow highly underrated) actress like Moore holding the center of the film, you know you’re in good hands.
Just weeks after Moore won her Oscar, however, co-director Richard Glatzer died at the end of a long battle with ALS. In fact, while filming this movie, Glatzer was unable to speak and gave all his direction and comments through a text-to-speech app on his iPad, typing out each comment with one finger. This speaks to the passion of not only Glatzer – to keep making the movies he loved even after his diagnosis in 2011 – but his co-director and spouse, Wash Westmoreland, and everyone else involved on the film. This movie was a passion project in more ways than one, and the results speak to that.
Story: A linguistics professor (Moore) is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, and her and her family struggle to cope with the changes it brings.
Blush Factor: Rated PG-13 for “mature thematic material” and some brief language.
Selma
Tomatometer: 99%, Audience Score: 86%
Movies like Selma can’t be any more timely. We are at a point in our nation’s history where racism is not only as present as ever before, but where the internet has allowed millions of opinions to be spilled out into the open. Sometimes this has lead to thoughtful discourse. Often it has resulted in hurried, half-thought opinions or heated, misguided comments. There are days it seems like we’re really going backwards. What Selma does so effectively, however, is show just how much of a struggle it was for the change we take for granted, and just how we can find a way to move forward from where we’re at now. The word “powerful” has been tattooed to this movie since its first viewing. Check it out.
Story: this follows the story of Martin Luther King’s fight to secure equal voting rights, and the march from Selma to Montgomery at the heart of it.
Blush Factor: Rated PG-13 for “disturbing thematic material”. This is mostly for the violent scenes of people being pushed, stomped upon, whipped, beaten, and all other kinds of brutal force. The “N” word and other racial slurs are heard repeatedly. There’s a lot of things in here that are disturbing because they should be – there should be no world where these things are acceptable.
IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME:
Spare Parts
Tomatometer: 56%, Audience Score: 86%
The based-on-a-true-story fight of an underdog is a movie trope as old as time. But when it’s done well? The impact is nearly peerless. Critics were not as found of this film as it’s spiritual sibling McFarland, USA, but audiences have responded nearly as well. This film may lack the grace and acting of its spiritual sibling, but it’s a great story nonetheless.
Story: Four hispanic high school students from a robotics club, and with nothing but 800 bucks and a dream, they make their way to compete against the reigning robotics champion from MIT.
Blush Factor: PG-13 for some language and violence.
The Rundown
Tomatometer: 71%, Audience Score: 66%
Why is a movie from 12 years ago showing up on Redbox? The easy answer is that Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock is having a great time at the box office and there’s a good opportunity to capitalize on his success. The better answer? Redbox wanted everyone to remind what a good, fun action flick can be. When I saw this film a number of years ago, it completely snuck up on me. I expected very little and got a lot in return: lots of laughs with big scoops of badass action. This is The Rock before he became Dwayne Johnson, when he was still an unknown commodity. You can also tell in the picture above he’s not nearly as huge as he is now. But film seemed to show people what Johnson is capable of – his ability to actually act and be funny on top of kick some ass – and set him on the action-movie superstar path he’s stomping across now. Also: any movie with Christopher Walken as a bad guy is going to demand some eyeballs.
Story: The Rock plays a bounty hunger sent deep in the Amazon to capture a man. When he finds out his capture isn’t who he thinks he is, the two team up to take down the bad guy.
Blush Factor: PG-13 for “adventure violence and some crude dialogue”. The language is mostly the kind you hear a high school boy toss off casually, and the violence comes from Johnson’s character refusing to use guns (because bad things happen with guns) and having to find other ways to take down his enemies.
Your Mileage May Vary:
Chappie
Tomatometer: 31%, Audience Score: 61%
Director Neill Blomkamp had one of the most impressive rookie debuts ever with 2009’s District 9, a movie I felt was one final shot away from being a stone-cold classic. Almost purely on the success of that movie alone – his ability to stretch a small budget wide and to use impressive visual effects to boot – Blomkamp had Hollywood in his hand. But after 2013’s misfire of Elysium, the narrative began to unravel. Maybe we had all jumped the gun with Blomkamp. Maybe he just wasn’t the rising star we all had him pegged to be. If there’s anything that his three feature films have showed us, it’s that he has an impressive, sophisticated eye for design. He knows how to make technology look good, like something you would actually see, and like something that has been used over and over. But the other part of the film’s design – the characters and story – don’t hold up as well. Whether that’s a sign that Blomkamp would be better off as a superstar production designer or a sign that he’s simply growing remains to be seen. Chappie hit theaters with a widely divisive critical response, with many writers going back to the drawing board to reshape Blomkamp’s career narrative. Can you really know everything you need to know about a director after 3 movies? We’ll have to wait and see.
Story: The future sports a crime force led by robots. When a robot is stolen and given new programming, it begins of journey of learning how to think and feel for itself. The consequences of this ensue.
Blush Factor: Rated R for violence, language, and brief nudity. Blomkamp’s films tend to have a pattern here: there is lots of swearing, and the violence can be rather over the top. Lots of shots with blood splatters.
Fifty Shades of Grey
Tomatometer – 25%, Audience Score: 43%
Look, here may be a shocker to you: I actually saw this movie. Here’s the bigger shocker to some of you: it’s not as bad as you may expect, but it’s also not nearly as good as it good be. Dakota Johnson is pretty incredible in this movie, giving Anastasia more depth than probably ever existed on the page. She seems to be having fun with this movie and giving it more humanity than maybe it ever intended. Jamie Dornan may have been shooting for “cold” as his characterization, but he almost fades into the scenery. Director Sam Taylor-Johnson does her damnedest to make this something with taste and to make some kind of sense. I think she did about as good a job as anyone could have expected in translating this to the screen, and her exit from the franchise will be a challenge for the future films to deal with. Hopefully the visibility of the role of Anastasia will help Hollywood realize just how talented Dakota Johnson is and give her a handful of movies more deserving of her talents.
Story: A literature student – Anastasia – meets a handsome, tormented billionaire in Christian Grey. They don’t search for 50 shades of grey in his closet, but they do find other things to do.
Blush Factor: There’s a lot of sex in this movie, as well as a lot of nudity, with almost all of it being Johnson. While this may be about what everyone expected to see, I would say that Taylor-Johnson has done a great job of making it seem at least somewhat tasteful (even if it isn’t).
Serena
Tomatometer: 18%, Audience Score: 28%
If you have a movie with two of the bigger stars in film today in Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, and no one’s heard of it, I’ll spare you the problem-solving: it’s probably not very good. The reviews were pretty savage, with the audience barely able to shrug. If you’re a Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence completist, with your sole mission in life to make sure you see every one of their movies, then this one just might be for you. Even then, I’m not sure you’ll survive it. This might make this the perfect movie for a drinking game.
Story: Set in 1930’s North Carolina (but shot in Europe – who knew?) a man’s timber empire is suddenly threatened when he marries the titular character, Serena.
Blush Factor: Rated R for some violence and sexuality. People have sex in this movie with no nudity shown, and there’s lots of violence using tools more appropriate to the 1930’s, but with blood more appropriate to the 2000’s.
Blackhat
Tomatometer: 34%, Audience Score: 25%
When I first heard this movie was going to be about computer hacking, my first thought was probably yours: since when does a computer hacker look like Thor? This led down a very interesting internet rabbit hole that proved, yes, there is a hacker that looks like Thor and seems to relish in that comparison. Director Michael Mann has always been known as a man of research and detail, and there’s been lots of word that this might be the best/most accurate computer hacking movie of all time. If that’s the kind of movie you’re looking for – an accurate computer hacking movie with Thor at the center of it – then look no further.
Story: An extremely talented hacker, out of prison for the first time in 15 years, finds some of his code as part of a malware program that’s part of a cyberattack and…I don’t know, guys. Basically this involves a lot of computer hacking, some American and Chinese actors, and an arch-villian hacker – who knew those existed?
Blush Factor: Rated R for some violence and language. And not for Thor being naked. Sorry, ladies.
Project Almanac
Tomatometer: 35%, Audience Score: 47%
The critic reviews may not reflect it, but this is one of those movies that seemed to kind of sneak out as a sleeper hit among the various movie websites I frequent. This is one of those movies that, approached with low expectations, may actually turn out to be pretty enjoyable. Also: the director of this one is going to direct the new Power Rangers movie. Is that not a vote of confidence?
Story: a group of teens stumble upon some plans for a time machine. They build it. It works. And things, as they always do, get out of control.
Blush Factor: Rated PG-13 for some teens talking about sex (but not really having it), some violence, and some strong language typical of your average high schooler.
Lost River
Tomatometer: 29%, Audience: 44%
Here’s what you need to know: if you ever wanted to know what it would look like if Ryan Gosling made his own movie, this is what you get. However, this movie is not a 90-minute montage of “Hey, Girl” memes brought to life. This is what happens when Gosling spends his last two movies (2011’s Drive and 2013’s Only God Forgives) deep inside the colorful, violent psyche of Dutch filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn. Gosling and Refn got along so well together on Drive that their friendship isn’t just one of being in their own movies – it’s a kind of creative alchemy that has clearly rubbed off on Gosling. As a result, this film came out and completely floored people. And not necessarily in a good way. What I have heard about this film is that it’s certainly not boring. There’s lots of great imagery and ideas on display, but just not distilled into a coherent narrative. If you’re a Gosling completist or looking for something completely off the well-beaten movie path, then this is something maybe worth checking out.
Story: I’m going to quote this straight from IMDB.com: “A single mother is swept into a dark underworld, while her teenage son discovers a road that leads him to a secret underwater town.” Sounds crazy? It probably is.
Blush Factor: Rated R for “disturbing violent images”, rough language sprinkled throughout, and in a true influence from Refn, lots of extreme blood and gore.
The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water
Tomatometer: 78%, Audience Score: 57%
I’m one of those weird people who has always found Spongebob Squarepants to be a kind of brilliant TV show. But I get that it’s not for everyone. On the flip side, when I first saw these cartoon characters blown up with CGI like real-life superheroes, I thought I had a bad case of indigestion. It just looked rather grotesquely off. But this film was a hit with critics and not nearly as much with audiences. One possible takeaway from this is that critics appreciated and respected what the movie was going for more than audiences actually enjoyed watching it. Just something to keep in mind.
Story: A pirate from above the sea of Bikini Bottom steals the Krabby Patty formula, leaving Spongebob, Patrick, Sally, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and Plankton to band together to get it back.
Blush Factor: Rated PG for “mild action and rude humor”.
Inherent Vice
Tomatometer: 73%, Audience Score: 54%
Paul Thomas Andersen has always been a bit of a critics darling, with his films Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love, There Will Be Blood, and The Master regularly showing up not just on year-best lists but decades-best list of critics everywhere. But part of what makes PTA so brilliant is also what makes him so alien to the average American moviegoer. His films often play out like novels, dense with complex characters and interwoven themes. While this leads to a great number of incredible performances, buckets of awards, and iconic images, it also sometimes makes us appreciate and respect his films more than we love or enjoy them. His last film, The Master, is a great example of this. I found the acting of Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP) and Joaquin Phoenix to be about the two best film performances I’d seen in a long time, but by the end of the film, it didn’t add up with any kind of gut punch. I found myself respecting the movie far more than enjoying it – and I was not the only one. What’s different about Inherent Vice, adapted from the Thomas Pynchon novel of the same name, is that it very clearly divided the critics. And for the first time in a while, there were critics who came out as loving it. Not just respecting it, not just talking about the great parts, but loving it and seeing it over and over, even when they couldn’t explain what exactly it is that grabbed them this time. So there’s a very real possibility that 10 years down the line, this will be the most loved and underrated of PTA’s works.
Story: Set in 1970, a private investigator investigates the disappearance of a former girlfriend. He takes lots of drugs in the process.
Blush Factor: Rated R for drug use throughout, sexual content, graphic nudity, strong language and some violence.
Everly
Tomatometer: 33%, Audience Score: 31%
If you ever wanted to see Salma Hayek kick some unholy ass, this is your film.
Story: A woman finds out her ex-husband is a mob boss, and fights them off one by one as she’s stuck in her apartment.
Blush Factor: Some brief sexual content, lots and lots and lots of violence and blood (of course!), with bloody fighting and guns being used all throughout. Lots of language as well, because it wouldn’t be intense violence without some intense language.
YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN:
Playing It Cool
Tomatometer: 19%, Audience Score: 33%
When Chris Evans isn’t busy eating chicken and broccoli, lifting heavy weights, or filming his latest Captain America role, he likes to fill his time with some interesting movie projects. I’m not sure just how interesting this movie is, but it seems as though some people have found it rather refreshing and interesting. So take that with a grain of salt. Also, there’s a lot of fine, welcome actors in this one, including Michelle Monaghan, Topher Grace, Aubrey Plaza, Luke Wilson, Martin Starr, Anthony Mackie, Patrick Warburton, and Ioan Gruffudd.
Story: a screenwriting, obviously struggling with his writing, doesn’t believe in love. He looks to other people to give him ideas, and along the way, meets a pretty special girl. It’s classic romantic comedy formula, but considering the main character is a screenwriter, it probably also tries to be a little too clever.
Blush Factor: Rated R for showing a man and woman have some sex, but with no nudity. Some brief violence.
The Boy Next Door
Tomatometer: 10%, Audience Score: 36%
There are two things working against this film from the start: one, the simple fact that Rob Cohen, the extreme action director of such mindless classics as XXX, Stealth, The Fast and the Furious, and Mummy 3, is boxing those macho instincts into a rather intimate story, and two, that this seems to be the kind of movie Jennifer Lopez makes whenever she feels like it, just to prove she can be a movie star. Now, sometimes you can have two opposing forces like this that form a beautiful tension and create something special. And then sometimes these forces combine to create a movie that’s totally worth seeing with some friends, a 12-pack, and bellies that are ready to laugh and laugh and laugh at the ridiculousness. I’m going to bet on the latter outcome.
Story: a recently divorced woman, burnt by her ex-husband’s affair, falls in love with the boy next door. Who happens to look like a model. Obviously, everything is not as it appears.
Blush Factor: Rated R for some sex scenes, some tasteless violence, some scary/intense scenes, lazy profanity, and the casual glass of wine.
Seventh Son
Tomatometer: 12%, Audience Score: 37%
Warner Brothers Studios and Legendary Pictures originally made this film together as if making a little fantasy baby. And then they had a rather ugly break-up where they ended their partnership and Legendary moved out of the house to shack it up with Universal Studios. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that, in trying to figure out what to do with their child, Legendary looked at their newborn and it had the name Seventh Son. Being that it was the seventh and not the first son, you can also see how much of a priority it became. Production delays certainly didn’t help matters (we all know how hard it is to raise a kid in the tumultuous throes of divorce), but when it finally came out, it probably felt like a neglected child released into the world. Having said that, this seems to be a rather solid, if basic fantasy adventure story with some nice, spiffy visual effects to spruce it up. If that’s the kind of thing you get a kick out of, then give this unloved child a welcome home.
Story: something about the seventh son of the seventh son going on a quest. I read the synopsis eight times and it still doesn’t make any more sense.
Blush Factor: PG-13 for lots of fantasy violence and some fantasy cleavage.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Tomatometer: 14%, Audience Score: 30%
Comedy sequels are hard to do well. Comedy relies so much on surprise that it’s hard to build on the same jokes or tell them in a different way that doesn’t betray the original that came before it. As a result, we’ve seen more and more recently comedy sequels opt to try something new, hoping they can hit what works while building some new comedy dendrites. The best recent example of this is 22 Jump Street, where Lord and Miller were able to make fun of sequels as if they were playing with Meta Lego Blocks, and yet never lose sight of the emotional core of the story. It worked liked gangbusters and people seemed to really love it. But another route comedy sequels have taken is to get darker and meaner. This seems to be Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Many critics seemed to a be a bit aghast at how far they went with this sequel, going to places that may have traded good taste for questionable laughs, and using the small budget as a reason to get even weirder beyond that. As a result, it hasn’t resonated anywhere near as much as the original. Anything with Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, and Adam Scott is always going to be worth at least a peak in my book. Come for the comedy stars you know and love; stay for the weirdest, darkest ride you never expected.
Story: The guys get in trouble and do some more time traveling in the hot tub. It goes about as well as a comedy sequel will allow it.
Blush Factor: This movie is about as hard an R-rated comedy as they make. Lots of nudity (including a penis!), lots of over-the-top violence (a head gets shot!), lots of swearing, and lots of drugs (of course).
The Cobbler
Tomatometer: 11%, Audience Score: 36%
I’m not sure what happened with this movie. Writer/director Thomas McCarthy has been about as unimpeachable a filmmaker as any in his career thus far, so pulling over with a flat tire was bound to happen at some point. Anyone who’s seen McCarthy’s movies, 2003’s The Station Agent (see it!), 2007’s The Visitor (see it!), or 2011’s Win Win (see it, too!), knows the guy is excellent with actors and crafting simple, subtle stories that ultimately win you over. And Adam Sandler has been known to bring his A-game whenever he walks into dramatic territory. So I’m not sure what went wrong here. If nothing else, this should be an interesting misfire to watch. Otherwise, we’ll start getting in line for McCarthy’s return to form, dismissing this misfire as just a case of bad gas.
Story: A shoe repairman grows weary of his job before stumbling upon the ability to walk in other people’s shoes. I know it sounds like a bad metaphor stretched out to 90 minutes. Maybe that explains it.
Blush Factor: PG-13 for a little bit of a shower scene, some blood and violence (more than you’d anticipate from crossing paths with a shoe repairman) and some swearing here and there.
Cymbeline
Tomatometer: 29%, Audience Score: 16%
One of the the great gifts of Redbox, Netflix, and the world of alternative movie distribution is that the most random of movie ideas ekes its way onto your screen, somehow carrying some fine, credible actors in its wake. Case in point: Cymbeline. This movie is pitched as the Shakespeare play with biker gangs. I read a comment on IMDB.com that someone compared it to Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet meets Kurt Sutter’s Sons of Anarchy. If that sounds like a good time to you, then maybe this movie is for you. It’s also possible this movie is for nobody.
Story: A war breaks out between dirty cops and an outlaw biker gang. Shakespeare dialogue is somehow used. Ethan Hawke, Ed Harris, Dakota Johnson, Anton Yelchin, Kevin Corrigan, Bill Pullman, and lots of other great, capable actors found their way into this one.
Blush Factor: Some violence and profanity, along with some drinking and smoking. You know, the kind of things you typically associate with dirty cops and biker gangs.
Tracers
Tomatometer: 22%, Audience Score: 36%
Remember when Taylor Lautner was a big deal? Remember when millions of adolescent girls – and their moms – argued over whether they were Team Edward or Team Jacob? That seems so, so long ago. At the height of Taylormania (before Taylor Swift showed just how crazy it could be), Lautner was shopped around Hollywood with all kinds of potential action franchises hanging around his neck. They were even floating a Stretch Armstrong movie. Stretch Armstrong, people! But since the Twilight franchise has finally gone into that good night, Lautner’s light has dimmed with it. Never trust a movie with a low budget and long layoff – this movie finished filming in August 2013 and didn’t finally come out on DVD until nearly 2 years later in March of 2015.
Story: A bike messenger, somehow wanted by the Chinese mafia, escapes into the magical world of parkour, where he meets a beautiful girl and her parkour posse, and they go on to do parkour-y, definitely criminal stuff.
Blush Factor: PG-13 for some kissing, a scene with a girl in her underwear, some armored robberies/cheap action movie gun shooting, and a couple swear words.
